Day 51 - Being Part of our own LIFE

WHAT DO WE NEED TO BE HAPPY?

When it comes to a romantic relationship, what's in our future? If you think it's out of our hands, think again.

Our focus is what drives our future.

"You can't get what you want if you're not sure what you want," explains Sharon Shenker, therapeutic Family and Relationship Coach. "Part of knowing what you want involves asking yourself questions that will help you pinpoint and visualize what it is you're looking for."

And that's just as true with a new relationship as it is with one you're already in.

"Think about it," says Sharon. "Most couples spend a year planning their wedding but no time planning their marriage." 

Progress up to March 18

Progress as of April 24 - notice a difference? Even my countenance is different. I am SO much happier!

Questions leading to answers

According to Sharon Shenker, a good way to start is to ask questions about our "must haves" and "wants", our "won't accepts" or "deal-breakers". Decide on the specifics of what we want our relationship to look like.

• What are our priorities? Getting married (or not), Marriage - caring for our parents, His Mother having children KIDS or NO KIDS, climbing the corporate ladder, JOB or NO JOB getting higher education SCHOOL? or living in another country WHO KNOWS?  All are things to consider.
• What are our passions? 
  

  Do we enjoy a challenging political debate? SOMETIMES 

  Reading a book every week? YES

   Having a night out with friends? OCCASIONALLY

  Watching as many hockey games as possible? 

   HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH? 

  Take our passions seriously; they make us who we are.

   
• How do we handle money? If our last relationship was with someone who didn't like to spend a dime on non-essentials, we may think we want our next relationship to be with someone who is free with money. However, they may be more comfortable with debt than we are and that could lead to problems later. Once we have knowledge about our relationship with money, we will have a better idea of whom we want a relationship with. I HAVE NOT BEEN A HUGE SAVER, BUT CAN MAINTAIN STATUS QUO - HOW ABOUT YOU?
• How would we like our weekends to be? What will we do together? SHOP - GET GROCERIES - WALK - WHAT ACTIVITY? Will we work around the house? DO LAUNDRY? Go out in search of an adventure? SURE - TAKE TURNS Dinner and a movie? MOVIE-  WOULD LOVE IT! Visit parents? HIS MOTHER, MY SISTER, BROTHER?
• How would we like this relationship to be? Analyze what our emotional needs are on a daily basis - KISSES HUGS or weekly basis MORE KISSES HUGS and specify what it means.
  
• Do we even want romance in our life? YES! NO!
  
• If so, what does that look like? THOUGHTFULNESS, HONESTY, INEXPENSIVE TREATS LIKE A SWEET CARD OR LETTER.
  
• Roses? NOT REALLY MAYBE DAFFODILS OR WORKING ON GARDEN BALCONY TOGETHER
  
• Slow dancing? ABSOLUTELY
  
• Cuddling while watching TV? IF IT IS A ROMANTIC MOVIE!
  
• Cooking together? ABSOLUTELY
  
• Candlelight? ALWAYS

My Sky Above

 Seeing our future, planning, then building it

Once we have a good understanding of our wants and needs, it's time to get it down on paper. We can Include how our relationship will look and who it will be with.

• We can try to focus more on character traits: kindness, romantic, calls often - stays in touch, sensitive, creative, has varied interests,
  
• and qualities (more than looks): great kisser, sensitive to my needs, clean and tidy (not perfect!!)
  
• What will we do together? Have a Pub night, see a movie, walk our dog, kissing, play, tease, LAUGH.
  
• Where will the relationship lead?" Could it be marriage, traveling together, joking, laughing, understanding each other, living and working as a team, sharing each others joys and burdens?
  

Let's get a visual of how we'd like our relationship to evolve in the best possible way. We need to think of ourselves in the center."
"Be inspirational and clear at the same time," says Sharon.

"Just remember it's about what we want; not what we don't want."

The action of intent:

Once we have a clear picture of what we want, we need to take action.

"Awareness of what you want is just the beginning," says Sharon. "That is just the guide for your intention, but then you need to do the work in order to make it happen.

And that includes consciously choosing a partner who will be able to create our vision, not just anyone who shows an interest in you."

What is most fascinating to me, is living life with INTENT. We can take control over our lives, and this gives us incredible power. An exhilarating feeling. All my life I gave that away. Big mistake.

Traveling though this amazing journey of weight loss and self-discovery with a new found 'glow' on my face, I notice more people are interested in speaking with me - starting conversations, asking me to go out - what is so different? Why now? I still have a lot of weight to lose. So it really isn't the WEIGHT. 

What is it?  THE EXPRESSION ON MY FACE! 
I am no longer resigned to the cards I have been dealt in life, but am eagerly looking forward to every day's new challenges and fun! I know I can shape my own world!


Now, I interview people with intent, not just to make idle conversation. 
A person interested in joining a group I am in, or volunteering with me on a project, or to be a closer part of my personal life, are there by my design, my wants and needs.  
Life is going to happen anyhow. We might just want to be a part of it. This is amazing - try it!  

Thanks, Sharon Shenker!